Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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