on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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