nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
