Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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