I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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