last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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