real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i now understand why vodka
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
