I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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