True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
