Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think my moral compass just broke
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
