Dual....:-)
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
