wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The air taste purple.
Randomize
