i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
