Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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