so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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