After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
