dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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