So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
