i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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