Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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