life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
