Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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