we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
