someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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