Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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