I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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