When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
