what day is it and did you see me today?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
