the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
