i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
