you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
