When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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