Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
