You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
