I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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