small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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