i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
