Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
