I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
