I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
