He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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