Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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