nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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