there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
