It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
