4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
