my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
