I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
