she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
