The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I bet he comes in French.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
