So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
