please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
