Texts From Last Night

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  (571): View more from Virginia

  non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

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  (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do. http://tfl.nu/8y8e
  Replies (75) Good night (14407) Bad night (2022)
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  (408): View more from California

  Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

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  (408): Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand http://tfl.nu/h440
  Replies (31) Good night (4960) Bad night (715)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.

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  (270): I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world. http://tfl.nu/l4ml
  Replies (17) Good night (1063) Bad night (8550)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

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  (253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma
  Replies (13) Good night (5570) Bad night (1157)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

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  (425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq
  Replies (14) Good night (5771) Bad night (1093)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.

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  (386): It's like God was speaking to me through a penis. http://tfl.nu/n7ui
  Replies (12) Good night (3457) Bad night (1203)
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  (949): View more from California

  So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.

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  (949): So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls. http://tfl.nu/e640
  Replies (4) Good night (2290) Bad night (787)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...

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  (843): he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house... http://tfl.nu/3q6f
  Replies (6) Good night (2049) Bad night (619)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.

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  (817): I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox. http://tfl.nu/4k53
  Replies (4) Good night (1259) Bad night (630)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me

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  (708): I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me http://tfl.nu/82r8
  Replies (6) Good night (1198) Bad night (675)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.

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  (425): I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it. http://tfl.nu/tr7o
  Replies (0) Good night (1022) Bad night (576)
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  (916): View more from California

  Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.

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  (916): Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened. http://tfl.nu/94yj
  Replies (4) Good night (1168) Bad night (374)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.

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  (312): Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'. http://tfl.nu/60ox
  Replies (10) Good night (1300) Bad night (458)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.

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  (443): You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober. http://tfl.nu/yspt
  Replies (1) Good night (808) Bad night (360)
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  (949): View more from California

  The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!

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  (949): The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN! http://tfl.nu/oogf
  Replies (2) Good night (825) Bad night (435)

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