Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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(480): View more from Arizona

the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

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(707): View more from California

You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

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(815): View more from Illinois

If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(810): View more from Michigan

There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Is my lip ring still in your hair?

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(425): View more from Washington

I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.

(1-425): View more from Washington

No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.

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(503): View more from Oregon

That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.

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(620): View more from Kansas

I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.

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