Dude i fell asleep inside of her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.