How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
