Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate

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  (617): quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate http://tfl.nu/fqo5
  Replies (32) Good night (7971) Bad night (722)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."

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  (904): I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear." http://tfl.nu/t3d7
  Replies (4) Good night (4022) Bad night (1270)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

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  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (12) Good night (5548) Bad night (1296)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them

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  (971): eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them http://tfl.nu/lmi8
  Replies (10) Good night (1011) Bad night (4304)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..

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  (541): just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony.. http://tfl.nu/riwy
  Replies (5) Good night (4850) Bad night (1205)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had to coat check the pizza.

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  (514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o
  Replies (3) Good night (3128) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.

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  (407): Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost. http://tfl.nu/odd1
  Replies (8) Good night (1765) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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  (203): No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side. http://tfl.nu/0ask
  Replies (17) Good night (2760) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.

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  (201): You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME. http://tfl.nu/tcyr
  Replies (15) Good night (4833) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.

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  (785): Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock. (785): I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice. http://tfl.nu/kw5d
  Replies (9) Good night (1648) Bad night (621)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's a journey

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  And the destination is his penis?

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Precisely.

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  (907): It's a journey (1-907): And the destination is his penis? (907): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/ln5a
  Replies (2) Good night (1333) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?

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  (310): Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public? http://tfl.nu/31zf
  Replies (2) Good night (972) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.

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  (405): There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home. http://tfl.nu/1q6j
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.

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  (+31): Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night. http://tfl.nu/bd92
  Replies (0) Good night (640) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA

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  (224): I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA http://tfl.nu/rnzu
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (261)

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