Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
