Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over