he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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