so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
