just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.