just come out here and I will go home with you...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Blow job season was short but glorious.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.