fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
