i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
