i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
