I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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