he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
