woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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