I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
FUCK WHALES
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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