I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You smell like stripper and shame
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
