i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
