Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
