im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
