just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
