this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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