I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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