So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
