Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
