No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
