I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
