so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
