I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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