went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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