you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
